I hate that feeling when you want to unfriend someone on facebook so hard but the ramifications of doing so would be so much worse than just tolerating reading that person's shit.  But damn I want to not have to read that shit.

Maybe I just need to work on how I feel about that person because they aren't going to stop being in my life and they aren't going to stop posting things that annoy me to no end.

That is all for today.

Afternoon rambling

I always think that I am going to be crazy embarrassed to read what I have written in the past but I just re-read this entire blog and I don't mind it at all. I like my writing so I should definitely do more of it.

Drunk-writing again, though the drink I made was too strong so feeling more sick than drunk. I will probably have to take a nap again but that is one of my favorite weekend things anyway so it's all good.

I have been so into the entire #PRFAIL that occurred with thebloggess.com and Jose the grammar-impaired PR VP with his "fucking bitch" comment. I read about it on twitter when I was on break from work and immediately took part on Thursday...and I knew that it would go viral because that's how it happens when Jenny is involved. I usually don't read all the comments on her posts because they tend to be "I love you, Jenny" which is nice but not exactly entertaining. This time I read almost every post even though they are just as repetitive as usual. It's like reading a great story with very obvious foreshadowing beginning with Jenny's final statement in her email to Jose, "Please standby for a demonstration in relevancy." And that battle cry brought out her legions and we tweeted and we emailed and we posted and we proved her relevancy. And we all know that the t-shirt will be available soon. And it is wonderful.

thebloggess.com is a wonderfully funny, smart woman who says the things we all wish we had thought to say and she will be saying them and making money doing it long after Jose has accepted his irrelevance. Off to naptime for the drunkie.

Feeling inspired to write...again

I couldn't even remember where my old blog was that I haven't written in eons but decide to use google to find a blogging site to use...realize my blog is on google and that I might as well use it instead of starting another. I revamp it a bit, new title, new photo, etc.

Ready to go...and don't feel like writing anymore. I can't even figure out what motivates me to write but I am pretty sure that until I start writing more I won't figure out how to let things flow as they should.

If you think that you were meant to be a writer all of your life but you just never actually did it does it mean you were too lazy? Too busy? No ideas? What? I tell people that writers write and so I am clearly not a writer...yet I feel like a writer who just doesn't happen to be writing right now.

I view the world as a narrator; there has always been the storyteller in my head explaining each scene in my life which definitely makes it difficult to actually live my life unself-consciously. I am always looking for funny things to share with my people -- so I guess that is the kind of writer I need to be. Nothing original, really. Just write about things I find interesting or care about. Okay. I will try that.

Now I am going to go feel self-conscious for having written something no one will ever read or see...but I will be back to do it again.

Drinking and writing; is it a crime?

I go back and forth on whether I have a drinking problem. I tend to think that I do but then I will go months and months without even thinking about drinking because it is difficult to read and game while drinking (which begs the question -- is playing a WoW character while under the influence wrong?).

So suddenly here it was 11:00 AM and I want a drink. I seriously contemplated whether I wanted it and decided that indeed I did/do. Made a drink knowing that my tolerance is now minimal and that having that drink means a couple of things:

1. Will end my functionality for the day. Since I already applied for 2 serious jobs as well as a making the decision to go back to school I decided that this is okay.

2. Will not end with one drink. Because that's the way I'm built and is why I believe I have a drinking problem.

Regardless, I started drinking at 11:00. I sent a text to Ed letting him know that I was drinking in the middle of the day and would probably be asleep by the time he gets home. He called me back immediately (not being a text kind of guy) and we discussed whether this was a good choice. His only complaint was that I was drinking without him.

After completing my second drink I feel like writing. I guess it's better than driving drunk but what if I regret what I write? Then I realize that it matters not one iota whether I write drunk or not; I am a plebeian writer at best so it's not as if scholars in later years are going to study my body of work and be repelled to my drunken stuff versus my sober stuff.

This thought frees me but also relaxes me to the point that I now would just like to take a nap.

Not a jewelry designer either

I own the components to make as much jewelry as you could imagine wanting. I prefer silver and copper for my medals and lapis and turquoise for my stones. I get in a creating mood and get everything out and then find that I have no idea what to do with them. I can make designs that I see in the many magazines and books I own on the subject but I have absolutely no new ideas of my own. I even have this great silver/clay stuff from which you can create your own silver components, rings, etc. and then fire and finish. It's all still in the box because I don't know what I would make with it.

I think I will ask the creative people I know to design something and I will make it. We can be partners. Because I still have the urge to make things and I still don't have any ideas in my brain.

Calling all jewelry designers: send me your designs and I will make them. We can decide what to do with them once I am finished. If you need to see what supplies I have with which to work I can photograph and email them.

Not a writer, it turns out.

I just don't write. That's the bottom line. I have lots of things to say and I format them in my head and modify the sentences, etc. but I don't have the discipline to actually write. It feels like a chore and I am not a fan of chores.

Nothing new in the world of Walmart cashiering. The job doesn't tax me in any way except that I would always rather stay home then go anywhere. Once I am there I count down the hours until I get to go home again. The day is broken up quite nicely by breaks and lunch. 15 minute break 2 hours into the shift, 1 hour lunch at 4 hours, and then another 15 minute break at 6 hours. My favorite days are when it's busy enough that all my breaks are a little late so the rest of the shift goes faster afterward.

Once in a blue moon I am irritated by either a customer or a coworker but not enough to crack through my mood much. Mostly I smile, scan, bag, and smile. I like it busy rather than slow because we have to clean, zone, bag for each other, or anything else to stay busy. I can get pretty anal about the cleaning and zoning but there is still only so many ways to wipe down the area and straighten the candy and drinks, you know? And bagging for each other only works if there are customers. I prefer to be at a register that gets the bulk of the customers whether busy or not so I don't have to constantly worry about whether my coworkers need help. Not that I am unwilling to help, it's just easier not to have to worry about it.

I continue to learn my produce codes. Did I mention that I found out these codes are universal? So bananas are 4011 at all grocery stores everywhere. That means I wouldn't have to relearn the codes to get a job at another grocery store...and you can well imagine how that pleases me.

Today is Easter. Alex called me to let me know that he is having pressure and pain in one of his eyes and that it is bloodshot but not goopy. He needs to get seen so I referred him to El Rio Community Health Care since he has no insurance. It's Sunday so they aren't open but he will call tomorrow to find out how to register with them and get seen. Their web page discusses all of the extreme patient types that they take care of such as the homeless, HIV/AIDS patients, pregnant patients, etc. but they don't mention the working poor. I hope they have room for Alex who isn't homeless, just too poor to pay for health insurance. I will now worry about him until I hear back that he has an appointment and then that he has been diagnoses and treated. The other option is that his symptoms will completely go away and then I won't worry about all the dire possibilities that involve his symptoms. Knowledge may not be dangerous but it sure is uncomfortable.

The weather is fricking amazing in Tucson right now. It will get too hot to be comfortable soon but right this moment it is perfect. It's the little things.

Time flies when you are scanning your ass off.

This morning I finally got to do the CBLs for cashier. It took about 3 hours and then I was back on the registers. It was so busy from 3 to 6:30 that I never got my break. The Customer Service Managers (CSMs) are responsible for making sure everyone is covered for lunches, dinners and breaks and they just forgot me. It was fine because it was so busy I would never have been able to close my register to go anyway. I took my break at 6:30 and then clocked out at 7.

As I stated previously, this job is just not stressful. I guess if I had never handled money before that might be a stress point but I did in my teens and twenties and it's not as if you forget how to add or anything. You can't let the lines get to you, you just keep scanning, bagging and taking payment while smiling and greeting.

I was off the entire weekend and that was nice. My schedule is going to be Saturday through Tuesday from 11-8 (some days are from 12-9). Ed is bummed that I work every weekend but I do have Wednesday through Friday off every week and he gets Friday off every other week so we have that, anyway. I asked for this coming Saturday off for the Air Show! I am so excited to see all the jets. Love my jets!

On a sad note, I have a sister who is an alcoholic and she has started drinking again. She doesn't live in Tucson so I cannot do anything to help her. I can't honestly say that I would help if she were here because my tolerance for alcoholism is pretty much zero. My mother was an alcoholic and I do not react well to drunkenness unless I am drinking as well and I haven't been drinking much in the last year and a half or so.

What's interesting about all this is that I just had a revelation last week about my drinking. I have always considered myself an undiagnosed/undeclared alcoholic. I go years without drinking and then start drinking regularly and then quit again. But if I were to actually give myself the diagnostic test for alcoholism I would not be considered one. And the revelation is that I really am not. Alcohol has never interfered with my work, my personal life, or in any way, really. I don't really crave alcohol but I will say that when I do start drinking in a given night that I don't like to stop. That's what always made me believe that I was an alcoholic. So I guess I may have tendencies? Doesn't matter too much, really. The last time I drank was a couple of weekends ago when we had a friend over. I drank 3 beers.

I was discussing this with my younger sister who doesn't drink at all. What I told her is that on a day to day basis I want to be able to concentrate on reading so prefer not being drunk every day. So maybe I am just a bookaholic. I do still have a really hard time getting to sleep, though, so sometimes I wish I could have a drink just to get myself to sleep. I don't do it because I figure that's a really fast way to build a tolerance. I hate not being able to sleep.

This job is nice for the staying up late because I don't have to be ready to leave the house until 8:45 and I never sleep past 7 so I have all the time at night that I need to get sleepy. Of course, Ed falls asleep by 8 at the latest so we don't see much of each other in the evening...still, we work it out.